.

They call it lust, but for me, it is a solid, unwavering love.

I don't see myself as an alpha, not to love her. This is simply me, and that is her.

Perhaps it’s because my father failed me,

or perhaps because I never had a brother.

My religion taught me that lust is a sin, & my 27 years have only been shaped by girls.

Maybe it’s because hatred grew in me when a man misbehaved on a bus.

A caring friend never became the loving husband.

Maybe they don’t understand the weight of female pain, nor see me as equal.

Maybe they cheat and move on,

while society still blames the woman for every fault.

Maybe because I fear my freedom slipping away,

maybe because their lustful eyes devour me when I’m alive.

Maybe because my childhood was scarred by a "loving" teacher,

and I didn’t even know that loving a girl could be a crime.

They said it was friendship, but it turned into love.

I had no one to share my thoughts with, so I decided for myself.

Maybe because my mother never lived the life she wanted.

Maybe because a girl’s life is a rollercoaster after those tiny creatures arrive,

while a boy’s path remains unchanged.

Maybe because I don’t know who I am, and so I become who they want me to be.

Maybe because with men, my likes and interests are always second place.

Maybe because I never had a chance to embrace themselves as women.

Maybe because I was teased as a boy,

judged by my clothes, my mannerisms, the way I walk, sit, and speak.

Maybe because I had a moustache due to hormonal shifts.

Maybe because I didn’t fit into the mould that women were forced to follow.

Perhaps because I no longer wait for someone’s "good mood" to ask for what I want,

or because I refuse to beg for permission to spend my own money.

Maybe because with her, it doesn't matter whose opinion reigns.

Maybe because with her, there is no ego to feed,

only warmth and trust that feels like home.

It was never lust…

People call me crazy, stupid, emotional…

I may never know the stories of others,

but this is me, who wonders why not be with a woman,

if that’s what frees me, strengthens me.

I don’t blame them all,

but in my story, there are no "good ones."

I don’t expect people to accept me; it took years for me to accept myself,

so why would they accept me?

And maybe, just maybe, it is a woman who proved all these points wrong,

loving me unconditionally, without judging my appearance, my status, my worth.

Emotional fool that I am, I fell in love with her.

The dilemma circles in my mind—am I homo or hetero?

If it’s lust, I’ve never experienced or expected anything,

but if it’s love, then I am purely homo.

I am greedy in love because I never got enough, so I took it wherever it came from, regardless of its source.